Over the years I’ve had several bouts of 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 and now I feel I’m starting to have anxiety as I’m facing more health challenges. I have gone to therapy in the past but I’ve never stayed consistent at it because there’s always the 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒈𝒎𝒂 𝒊𝒏 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔 when it comes to your mental health but after going a few sessions I felt I could better handle that myself with prayer but I feel now everything is snowballing and getting bigger and bigger to where it is truly overwhelming. Dealing with past 𝐦𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 as a child, 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 three years apart in my twenties, being 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 twice, 𝐜𝐨-𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 with a child in a different state, a new marriage which is wonderful but still something to add to some stress, raising a special needs to a stepchild, losing my career due to lupus, and having multiple chronic illnesses.
Man after I typed all of that I’m so thankful I’m not in a mental institution. I had to grow up fast because my mother suffered from chronic illness and I started being a 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 at a young age and a new part of my childhood was taken because of her illness and I used to always think I never want my child to have to go through what I went through having a sick mother, but the tables were turned and I struggle with the same things from my childhood with my son. When I was diagnosed officially my son was 13 but I started getting sick when he was 11 and trying to explain to a child that after you work a 40 hour week you literally have no energy to do anything was so difficult. I still have moments where 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲 for being sick my son is now 19 and he understands it now but I knew it took a toll on him. I know so many of us have suffered from depression because the life you knew has completely changed because of this illness and it feels like you’re 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 around you whether it’s the ability to complete daily tasks, bath ourselves, or work. This life is not an easy one but I know with prayer things will get better but to use the wisdom that God gave me I think it’s 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 to get additional help that I need.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.